Chronicles of My Surrogacy

My Delivery Story

2009-09-13T20:24:00.001-07:00

Exactly one year ago (Labor Day weekend) my hubs and I had our very first meeting with T & S at a restaurant. That meeting lasted about 5 hours and really spelled out how the journey would be, and started an amazing bonded friendship that I think I will have for my lifetime! :)

When I first filled out my profile for parents to look through, there was a question that asked something like "What would you say to reassure the parents that you will not have a problem giving the babies to them?" I wrote that “I have always been a nanny and love caring for children and this is sort of like being a nanny before they are born. I have always been a people pleaser, that I take more pleasure making people happy than anything. Even if I am feeling any sadness, that one look at how happy I am making someone else, making their dreams come true, that feeling would trump any of my sadness.” Throughout the pregnancy I took it little by little (always saying I do not know how I will feel, but so far so good) but that is EXACTLY how I felt. Here is my delivery story.

On Wednesday, September 2, 2009 after being on bed rest and procardia for 4 weeks, I began to worry about Baby B because she hadn’t been moving as much as she normally would. I continued to leak fluid, and was concerned that it wasn’t urine, but amniotic fluid. I called T and asked her what she wanted to do, seeing as they are here babies after all. We agreed I would call the doctor and do what was suggested. They said to go straight to labor and delivery at Alton Memorial Hospital. I called Mark and he came home to pick me and Lorelei up and we headed to meet T at L&D. While waiting I was trying not to panic and packed two full bags of things we would need, including the contracts and legal papers of parentage. When Mark got home we loaded the jeep and started the hour long drive to the hospital.

Once I walked into the hospital my favorite nurses and T were all waiting to get me in the room and check on the babies. In the gown and bed I was hooked up to the monitors to find contractions and heartbeats. Baby A was very easy to find, out of the ordinary for him! While Baby B was not as easy. After about 7 minutes of looking for her heart beat, I was alone in the room with nurse D when I finally let my anxiety show. “When do you start to worry about them,” I asked. She smiled and said “If it has been ten minutes and I cannot find the beat, and someone else cannot also find the beat, then I worry”. She went out to get another nurse who eventually found both heartbeats of A and B thank God. Once found, Baby B decided to go crazy and began moving and jumping and playing as normal. The doctor on call decided to monitor me for just a while longer and called in an ultrasound to check the Amniotic Fluid Levels to make sure what was leaking was actually just urine.

The fluid levels were fine, and I was told I could go home. T sent S home, and I sent Mark home with Lorelei as well. Just as I got dressed, nurse R came back in and said she forgot to tell Dr T about my high blood pressures. I was asked to wait about ten more minutes while she waited to hear from him. Once he heard how high they were, he immediately decided to keep me and monitor my blood for pre-eclampsia. It was possible I would be there all night. T and I were excited, knowing that the next day I would be 36 weeks and my doctor, Dr. C, was going to take me off procradia and bed rest and possibly deliver the babies. Especially if baby A was still breech, which he was. After one hour I was told my blood was clean, and I could go home. T and I were disappointed but convinced that at my appointment the next day, we would hear good news of delivery. We both called our husbands and said we would be home soon. As I was putting on my shoes, nurse R came back in with a slight smile. “Well, Dr C called back and has decided that with all that has been happening with your BP, fluid levels, and baby positioning she is going to keep you overnight and have your C-section tomorrow morning!!” T and I were ecstatic! T went home to get everything ready, and I stayed in the hospital all night unable to sleep because I was so anxious! The surgery was scheduled for noon the next day.

At about 10:30 the nurses began prepping me for surgery. T and S arrived at 11:15, and Mark was there as well with Lorelei. T got scrubbed in and her family and friends arrived at 11:35 just as nurse R came in to tell us the surgery was bumped back to 5:30 because there were no available anesthesiologists! Everyone was disappointed. While we were talking about who would go home and come back, and how long the drive was, nurse R came back in and said “We are back on. . . Anesthesia is on the way up, so I need everyone to clear out.” She gave Mark scrubs too, with the hopes that he would also be allowed in the room as our doctor had spoken of. (Normally this is not allowed, but given the circumstances of the babies needing T, and me needing hubs, she was going to try to let them both in)

As I was being pushed down the hall with nurse R, I was nervous about what was about to happen. I have never had surgery, stitches, or anything. When I got into the room, the nerves did not go away, especially since the room was stark white with big bright lights and all I could think about was what I had seen happen in these rooms on TV. I tried to breath calmly and moved onto the operating table where the anesthesiologist started talking me through what he was doing. I sang “Jesus Loves Me” to calm me and my breathing. Nurse R was amazing at keeping me calm, and the spinal shot wasn’t as bad as I expected. I went numb immediately and they strapped me down to the table and got me all ready before calling in T and Mark.

Both Mark and T were allowed in the room due to the circumstances and my doctor's generosity. While I was laying there on the table T was on my left and from the very beginning her eyes were glistening. When they began to pull out Baby A, she was told to stand up and look, once he was out and I heard him scream and saw him, I looked over at her and she was shaking and crying and she knelt down and kissed my forehead and said "Libbie, thank you so much for doing this." I IMMEDIATELY began balling and saying your welcome, and I started giggling. Then they pulled out baby B and T again knelt down to say thank you and I could hear sooo much happiness and joy in her voice, I cannot explain the feeling I had. There was NO sorrow, NO regret, not even any feeling of "I wish they were mine" All I felt was the most amazing warmth and pride. I don't know if that is like tooting my own horn or being boastful, but I really just laid there feeling the best I have felt about myself. I continued to cry and laugh while hearing both babies cry and hear T being able to cut the cords and hold the babies. Mark stayed by my side the whole time and we just smiled and waited as I was being sewn back together. I asked him if he could see my organs. He hesitated and asked “Do you really want to know? Yes. It is weird” I laughed. There were only a few times when my BP changed and I felt nauseous and dizzy. When they were all done, I was moved into the recovery room and then to my own suite.

T and S were given a room across from mine, and I was able to see and hold the twins anytime I wanted. I have gotten to become such good friends with T that we just ended up hanging out in the rooms talking and holding the babies a lot. Our families have bonded in a way I really wanted, but didn't know if I would get. We plan on future family trips to the lake of Ozarks, and BBQs. In fact T asked me what I wanted the babies to call me, she said I should at least be called an Aunt. I have no question in my mind that we will be forever family.

Now that I am home, I do have baby blues a bit, or I guess just hormonal blues. It is very weird for me because even though I was pregnant for 36 weeks, I do not feel like I was, other than the obvious pain. I mean I do not feel like something is missing, like I should have babies. I have a love for them of course, but it doesn't feel in the slightest maternal, and I do not feel any emptiness at them not being with me.

Mark and I want to have a baby of our own next so I have plenty of time to think about doing a another surrogacy. I am not sure if I could do it again simply because another journey would not be like this one, and this one was so perfect I do not want to taint the memory of surrogacy. However, this is one of the most amazing memorable things I have every done, and I will never forget that feeling.

Quick Update

2009-08-21T11:00:00.000-07:00

My appointment was yesterday and no change in cervix or position so looks like the procardia and bedrest is working. Um. . . Yea?

I am now +30 or so pregnancy weight.
Babies heart tones were both in the 120's
Blood pressure was just slightly high, but to be expected since I was up and about.

Doctor says at 36 weeks we will stop meds and bedrest. Hurry Up September!

It is fun to watch my belly move and jump and do the alien thing, though when baby boy moves I swear he is redecorating the "furniture" in there. And by that I mean it is quite painful because he is touching all sorts of nerves and organs, but it is still nice to know he's moving around.

I cannot get much sleep anymore, my bones go numb on both sides of my hips. Actually for the past two mornings I have woken up on my back and sleeping the best. WEIRD.

Stopped my Walmart on the way home from the doctor (hey, I was already out) and it was the most miserable 20 minutes. Not contractionwise, though I did have a few, but in the "holy-crap-my-tummy-is-too-big-for-my-body-therefore-I-can't-hold-it-up-much-longer" way. When I got home I couldn't hardly move and was on the couch for the remainder of the night. Maybe there really is something to this "bedrest" notion. :) I did get a Nintendo DSi though (family shared) to keep me busy as I have at least two more weeks of homeboundness. Yippee.

33 Weeks Photos and Video

2009-08-17T11:03:00.000-07:00

August 13 End of Day

2009-08-14T18:31:00.000-07:00

Wow, I just got home from what was supposed to be my weekly normal doctor checkup and turned out to be a 12 hour hospital stay! What a long day.

My doctor had just gotten back to town today, and was briefed with how my weekend went. So she came in to the room and started talking about how great it was that I had my steriod shots, and that if the babies were born now, they would be fine, but let's still try to hold out for two more weeks. She checked my cervix and no change, I am still at a 2, but she thinks that my effacement has slowed and I am back to a 40% and I am now high again. So the reversal of labor is working regardless of the contractions I am feeling. Then she listened to the heart tones. They seemed a little weakish and I remembered I hadn't really felt them move much, if any at all so she sent me to Labor and Delivery to monitor and do a stress test. UGH!

I have done this 3 to 4 times already before and it doesn't work well because baby A refuses to allow the heartbeat monitor to catch him in more than 5 minute intervals. So anyway I am hooked up on this machine for over 3 hours when they determine they will not be able to get baby A so they want to do a "biophysical ultrasoun" which means they monitor each baby on the ultrasound screen for half an hour to watch their movements. At 5 the tech shows up and starts monitoring baby A. First she shows me my cervix and then right there ontop of it is baby A'a head!! WOOOHOOOO he has moved into head down position and vaginal delivery looks possible!

Then we looked and saw the babies are using their lungs and practice breathing, and they each weigh about 4 lbs 10 oz. And are measuring slighting ahead of what they are! Everything looks good, I am FINALLY home. and about to eat. Whoop!

Update August 13

2009-08-13T18:29:00.000-07:00

Here is a quick update for me. I have still been having contractions, in fact yesterday twice, while I was using the bathroom I was also contracting, and had a panicked thought “Oh Lord, please do not let me be one of the women who delivers on the toilet!”

I have been glued to the couch or bed except when I eat or go potty. Yet still the contractions come throughout the day. Last night I woke up at my normal 1 am bathroom break and was having such a hard contraction I could hardly make it to the bathroom. Then it continues while I lay in bed for a good 3 minutes. The most painly one I have had yet, I could hardly focus on breathing. I had one more a bit less intense about 10 minutes later, but then no more. Again when I woke at 5 am I had another two contractions. But not too hard.

IM is picking me up in half an hour for my doctor’s appointment where we hope to get a bunch of answers like, if I am still progressing, and when if at all they will allow me to go into labor. Keep you posted!

Going Home

2009-08-09T18:32:00.000-07:00

Ok, got the contractions under control and they are sending me home on strict bedrest and 20 MG of Procardian. Hoping to get a few more weeks of incubation. I have to say afterall I have been through, I am quite disappointed the birth didn't happen. BUT I am glad they will have more mature lungs, and that hopefully we will make it far enough to deliver and STAY at our choice hospital.

August 9, 7:15 AM

2009-08-09T05:16:00.000-07:00

Woke up at about 5:45 to a contraction and then had another one at 6:15. I feel like a mac truck hit me. They say it is the magnesium. Blah. It is being weaned out of my system in 6 hour increments. The doctor says nothing to worry about. He may worry if they get to go 4 contractions an hour for 2 hours. But for now I guess he thinks we are fine. Saw myself for the first time in two day this morning in the mirror! Yikes! There is really not a ton of stuff on hospital tv this early in the morning but I have "The Librarian" on. I really think I might just head back to sleep until breakfast comes. Yeah, that sounds good.

August 9, A little past midnight.

2009-08-09T00:00:00.000-07:00

Just checking in. I have been on a Magnesia or magnesium drip for the most of the day. They say that is the "Mac-daddy" of all contraction stoppers. I was also put on a catheder so no more trups to the bathroom. Everytime I went my contractions got much stronger. Anyhoo, regardless of the drugs, I have still been having a few contractions. They think it will be ok, so now at midnight they have started to try to wean me off the Mag and keep the contraction away. However just about ten minutes ago I felt a very strong contraction. The theory is that if my contractions can stop while being off the Mag, I can go home tomorrow after the second steriod shot on strict bedrest. But if the contractions continue while off the Mag I may have to stay in the hospital for a week or two, OR if they check my cervix tomorrow and see that there has still been labor progression, they will transfer me to another hospital with better NICU. Could be Springfield, IL (which is two hours from all our homes, but in the Illinois jurisdiction so with the "parentage" contract papers) or Saint Louis Children's (one of the best and closest, BUT in Missouri and therefore would force the IP's most likely to have to adopt the babies. Oh goodness. I have a feeling one way or another, these babies will be born sometime in the next couple of days. They seem determined to meet their parents!!

Twins Update

2009-08-08T12:23:00.001-07:00

So. . . I am in the hospital. Got here about 8:45 last night with irregular cramping and contractions. The doc on call checked me and I was 1 cm dilated and 20% effaced (meaning my cervix had thinned 20%) I was also very high. They gave me two different drugs to stop the contractions and kept me overnight. Then this morning after I continued having contractions I went potty and passed what may had been my mucus plug. The doc came in and started out telling me how things looked great and I was going to go home. BUT I told him about the mucus and he immediately checked me again. I had progressed to 60% effaced, and 2 cm dilated and I had dropped really low. He changed the plan and I am getting shots to mature the lungs, IV of magnesia to stop the contractions (which btw are still coming slowly) staying here another 24 hours and if the contractions are still not stopping I will be airlifted or taken by ambulance to another hospital with a better nicu. Phew, that is what is happening with me. I will try to stay online to keep me busy! Hope you are having a great weekend.

30 weeks 3 days

2009-07-31T11:21:00.000-07:00

Had another U/S and Appointment July 28:

Baby Boy: HB 140-150's
Baby Girl: HB 130-140's

Baby Boy: 3.6 lbs!
Baby Girl: 3.8 lbs!

Position:

My BP: 140/70
Weight: +21 PPW
Measuring 39 weeks!! Look at me:

Because of the babies positions now we have a tentatively scheduled c-section for the second week of September. Let's hope babies move to the right position!

26 Weeks, 3 Days

2009-06-29T16:49:00.000-07:00

Twin A/Boy: 2 lbs HB 130's
Twin B/girl: 1 lb 15 ounces HB 140's

Blood pressure: 142/60 A little high
Weight: 18+ PPW

Uterus Measuring: 33 weeks (7 weeks ahead)

Concerns of anemia and pre-eclampsia due to my light headdedness, and high pressure with swelling.

What am I now, 25 weeks?

2009-06-17T08:48:00.000-07:00

I seem to be much further than that! At least in size and discomfort!!

My belly feels like it is being over stretched every day, though it is not too bad. I just rub it a little and it goes away. My back however, is a TOTALLY different story. The right side of my back almost constantly burns in pain. If I lay down on the couch the pain isn't so bad, but like last night, I couldn't even get any relief in bed to fall asleep. NOT FUN.

I thought about not posting this because I know T reads it and I really don't want her worrying about me. As long as the babies are happy, healthy, and growing just fine, I can stick it out. That is all that matters to me, is giving T&S their beautiful family. Sometimes I just wish the pain wasn't so rough :)

Anyhoo things otherwise are great. I feel babies moving all the time, so I know they are doing well. We will see them again on June 29, and then every two weeks. I have a wedding to shoot on Saturday, long day there. But tomorrow I am taking Lorelei to the pool with April and her children so I hope it will help my back!

22 Week Appointment and U/S

2009-05-29T18:14:00.000-07:00

Today was the 22 week appointment and it was so great. We had our U/S appointment first and of course, the first thing on the tech's mind was whether or not Baby B was in fact a girl. She checked, and sure enough, there was a girly part growing nicely! So then the tech moved back to baby A to get his measurements and it seem that baby girl didn't like that so much. She wanted to be the center of attention and kept kicking her brother or punching him! It was amazing to see them flipping and moving all over while we were watching! I was a little worried that maybe the baby boy was hogging my uterus, when really it seems to be the opposite! The whole time she was moving and pushing into his little space!

I am still measuring 25 weeks, though the babies at 1 lb. each, it is definantly tighter in there! I have gained 6 pounds since the last appointment, so I think that is a total of 10 or so lbs.

We got some great pictures, and IM and I took a picture together with her hands on my tummy for the scrapbook. I can't wait to see the 3D pictures next week!!

20 Weeks

2009-05-16T16:54:00.000-07:00

Whooop Whoop! We have reached the 20 week mark! Boy have things started to show.

I am almost as big as I was with my daughter at 8 months! My back is really hurting alot these days. I get stuck in certain positions, like for instance sitting on the couch, I cannot hardly get up on my own!

I feel very heavy in my lower tummy when I stand, obviously because the two babies and gravity weigh down. When I lie flat I can feel them moving around a lot, but I still cannot tell which one is doing most of the kicking!

My next U/S and DR appointment is May 29. Can't wait to see the babies then!

Poor IM has had bronchitis this whole past week and is trying to feel better. I hope she does soon. We want to get a 3D U/S and that has to be done soon since they are twins and they wll start to get cramped soon.

Keep in touch!

18 Weeks

2009-05-03T10:17:00.000-07:00

Friday I was 18 weeks, and had an ultrasound and appointment. The ultrasound was a very thourough one where measurements and growth was tracked. T & S were allowed in during the entire time. Here are the big facts.

Baby A is measuring at 186 grams and 18 weeks, Baby B is measuring at 182 grams and 17 weeks 6 days. Felt weak movements the night before right as I was falling asleep, but for sure felt them while the U/S was going and I saw them! Baby A is measuring 18weeks, and Baby B is at 17 weeks 6 days, so they are VERY close and that is Fantastic! Baby A is very photogenic and moves a lot, Baby B chooses to hide mostly. Their heads are right next to each other, Baby B on top facing down on Baby A's face. Like they are telling secrets!

My belly and uterus is measuring at 25 weeks, and I have gained 8 lbs since last visit. My feet have been slightly swelling, as well as my hands. I haven't been craving much, well, I guess tuna sandwiches and pizza!

Hmm, I think that is all....

.... oh wait duh!

Baby A is a BOY
Baby B is a GIRL!!!!!

YYIPPPPPEEEE

In Need of Prenatal Massage!

2009-04-24T14:43:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness today is 17 weeks! It is so amazing that in just one week's time T & S will know if they are having boys, girls, or one of each!! I am soooooo excited and cannot wait! I have already started knitting!

With my birthday just days away (May 9, so I guess 15 days to be exact) my friends have been asking what I want and what we are doing. Here is what I DO NOT want:

Any ugly maternity clothes, even well intentioned.
Desperate Housewives Season 4 (although 1-3 are totally welcome)
Anything with the words "tasty" or "juicy" on it.

and what I will NOT be doing:

going to a strip club (when have I EVER wanted that?)
going to a bar and counting shots (hello 21 was 6 years ago)
staying home

I am really hoping that somehow I get a prenatal massage as I do not think my body has ached this badly ever! Though it is COMPLETELY worth it! Hey hunny bunny, see what I want ;)

16 Weeks and Counting!

2009-04-20T11:29:00.000-07:00

I am just over 16 weeks, and still feeling pretty good. My abdomen is still growing and getting harder. I don't feel movement just yet, but sometimes I do feel a tightening feeling in there, like they may be getting cramped and are trying to stretch.

I am getting excited for the appointment. More excited to find out what the babies are so I can start knitting and knitting!

New Appointment

2009-04-13T09:01:00.000-07:00

I just got a phone call from the doctor this morning and was told that from now on, I get an ultrasound every 4 weeks. Our next scheduled U/S was for May 11 and that is too far, so now I have been scheduled for one on May 1 as well as an appointment. The u/s tech said last time that to be able to tell the sex of the babies we would need to be past May 5th,(hence the May 11 appt.) however as of May 1 we will be 18 weeks, so we are hoping that we will be able to see the sex then!!

I'll keep you posted.

Week 14 and we have PROFILES!!

2009-04-02T19:06:00.000-07:00

Today I had another appointment and ultrasound with my doctor. Here's a recount of the day.

As most of you know, last week I peed my pants and was really nervous about the appointment today because of the mandated "40 ounces" of liquid that I needed to have in my bladder. I drank over 23 ounces of water overnight. (That it a usual occurance now because if I don't, I wake up feeling absolutely hungover) Then this morning I filled my 23 ounce bottle with water and headed to take DD to my sisters. On the way there I drank about 3/4 bottle of the water and really really needed to go to the bathroom, but of course, I couldn't. Then I stopped and bought a 12 ounce coffee and drank about half of that.

The doc's office is about an hour and 20 minutes away so I again, refilled my 23 ounce of water and continued to drink on the whole way there, fighting the urge to pull over on the side of the highway and go.

I got to the doctors office 20 minutes early, took a seat, tightly crossed my legs, and started reading a mag waiting for IM. When IM got there she brought IF, and IGM (Intended Grandma!!) and we were called back to the U/S room. Well, by this point, I had to go sooo bad that it too every ounce of concentration to hold it. I couldn't even talk!

15 minutes after my appointment was scheduled, they calld me into the room. I told the tech that I had weak bladder control, explained what happened last week and she said "Let me see if you are over full". Within seconds of looking at my tummy with the u/s tool, she said "Oh yes, you're over full, you can go to the bathroom" Whew!

Then she took all her measurements and we talked about what kind of surrogate I am, that they are not at all my eggs and I am just the womb. She then told me that she has had surrogacies turn bad, and adoptions go wrong and almost been called into court by families so she wanted more history before allowing IM in the room every time. Understandable.

IM came in with IF and we watched baby A kick the poo out of my stomach (of course I felt nothing) and baby B just chill and relax. Then IGM came in and watched too. What a great day.

Stats:

Weight is the same- still no gain or loss.
Baby A's heartbeat was 147
Baby B's heartbeat was 150

No cravings, in fact right now I kind of hate food.
Water drinking- over 64 ounces a day and counting!

OMG

2009-03-27T09:43:00.001-07:00

I totally, 100% peed in my pants overnight. Not peed the bed, peed my pants.

See, with the twins, if I do not continue drinking water ALL day, and all night, I do not feel good when I wake up and have migraines. I was so exhausted last night that I guess I didn't wake up to go to the bathroom until the sudden trickle feeling I had on my leg. I jumped up and that is when it just started gushing out! I had absolutely NO control over it AT ALL! In fact, I was running, while it ran down my leg, trying to hold it in but apparently my bladder was SO full that it couldn't be kept in. I got to the bathroom, my panties were soaked, and I still had to pee buckets!

Man!! This makes me completely nervouse for the 40 ounces of liquid that is mandatory to be in my bladder for next weeks ultrasound!

2nd Trimester

2009-03-25T11:28:00.000-07:00

Well, I am officially in the second trimester and I think I feel worse than the first! I am more tired, naseaus, not sleeping, and having bladder pain all the time from needing to go potty!

EVERY single smell in my kitchen makes me gag. I open the fridge, blah; I open the spice cabinet, blech; I cannot take it anymore!!

I am going to go take a nap!

Happy 12 Weeks!!

2009-03-20T12:47:00.000-07:00

Well, we are officially in the second trimester! Hooray! I am so glad to be in the second trimester, and to be able to see the babies on April 2.

About 20 minutes ago, the doorbell rang and to my surprise there was a big box with a flower logo on it.

Flowers? For Muah?

Hmm, it's not my birthday, anniversary, and DH hasn't done anything wrong to apologize for so. . .

I opened the box and the most beautiful bouquet of 12 mixed colored roses were there with a note from my IP's!! I got a little teary-eyed of course, they are the most generous and deserving 2 people I have ever met, and I am amazed and blessed to be their surrogate!! Thank you T & S!

Twinville

2009-03-18T10:54:00.000-07:00

It's been kind of quiet here in Twinville. No more naseaus to speak of, and no more spotting. Sleep has become irrelevant of course with all the potty breaks in between, but really who needs sleep anyway!?

My next ultrasound is on April 2 and I am so eager to see how they look! I know IP's are too. This Friday marks the great 12 week - 2nd Trimester beginning and that is monumental, especially when it's someone's dream finally coming true!

No movement that I can feel yet, though I am fully rounded and wearing maternity clothes even though I'm not sure it's all baby. It looks like it, and that is fine with me as long as no one think I am fat! :)

Cravings right now are pretty non existant. I mean, for crying out loud, in the EXACT same moment that my brain says "oh YUM!" it also say "gross, gag me!" and I end up not wanting to eat anymore!

On a fun non baby note, DH and I are trying to take a honeymoon (honeymoonish)
FINALLY (after two years of wedded bliss) possibly to the beach!

Threatened AB!?

2009-03-02T18:22:00.000-08:00

So I had some bleeding two weekends ago that really scared me. It happened again after a 4 hour shift on my feet at VS. So I called Dr. M and he said not to worry that it is normal, but to call my OB and try to see her sooner than I had planned! So I call my OB's office and get the doctor on call. He says taht most likely I am miscarrying! And that it is just a wait and see thing. Rhat!! Wait and see, come on just show me the babies and make sure they are ok. So I scheduled an appointment to the OB for two day aways and the spotting stopped within a few hours of me calling.

The morning of the appointment I was on target for the hour drive. I got DD and I out of the shower with half an hour to dry my hair and get dressed. I googlemapped the directions after I plugged in the curling iron, and to my dismay googlemaps said it woudl take me an hour and a half! Which means I would have to leave 5 minutes before I got out of the shower! I frantically dress DD and myself, and we left the hous with wet heads and no makeup!

I sped the whole way there, got lost in the freaking parking lot(!) and arrived at 1:17. The girl at the front desk said that I had until 1:15, and unfortunately I was two minutes too late. I broke down in tears, but they didn't even care that I had driven an hour and a half. They told me I could have an ultrasound order to check o the babies, but that I would have to come another day for my appointment.

I was so frustrated, and couldn't stop shaking and crying. IM assured me that it was fine and we decided to go to the adjacen hospital and see if they could work me in so our drive wasn't for nothing. Fortunately we were able to get in to see the ultrasound tech.

I was called into to the room and no one else was allowed in. I tried to look at the tv and see the heartbeats and I was able to see Baby A's heartbeat right away, and felt great. The tech said she couldn't tell me anything, that the doctor was going to have to tell me. I struggled to see Baby B, let alone see his heartbeat. Then we switched to internal ultrasound, and the tech turned the whole screen away from me. We were talking and I jept saying, can't you just tell me yes or no that they are both alive. . . she took a deep breath and clicked on something, then said "Ok, yes, I just found Baby B's heartbeat, they are both alive" and she said we could bring in IM and DD. She apologized for the way she had to be quiet, but the order said threatened abortion (or miscarry) and she couldn't allow people in the room in case of babies without hearbeats. We were so understanding and just happy to see both babies alive and well.

Both IM and I are a bit nervous about my appointment tomorrow. We just worry that the doctor may not be as nice as we hope based on the fact of not allowing me after the two minutes. If we do not mesh well with her or like her, we may look at finding omeone else. Hopefully though, she is great and we will love her!

9 Weeks and Counting

2009-03-02T17:39:00.000-08:00

So as you can see by my baby widget, I am 9 weeks and 3 days along. I have also been very absent because of the upcoming "Baby & Kid Expo" this Saturday where I am exhibiting my photography business for the first time. I have been working my butt off, and still have a few things to do. I am sooo tired and fatigued carrying the twins, and with the work into the show there has been no extra time or energy for blogging.

So I wanted to start a weekly check-in type post, so today is my first check-in.

Gestation: 9 Weeks 3 Days

Weight Gain: Not sure, will know tomorrow at appointment.

Overall Feeling: Pretty good, tired off and on, morning sickness is still only slight.

Cravings: Waffles, Tomatoes, Bacon, Pumpkin Pie (Hubsy searched all over for pumpkin, and I now have 2 pies in the oven!)

MIA

2009-02-21T10:32:00.001-08:00

Yes, I have been missing in action for awhile now, and not to point the finger or anything, but it's these twins! Seriously, growing them inside me is taking every ounce of time and energy out of me! And with the recent bleeding last night, I am seriously nesting it out on the couch today. Hope you are all doing well, enjoying the weekend, and spending time with loved ones! I'll be back soon, I promise!

Heartbeats Confirmed!

2009-02-10T13:40:00.001-08:00

Ultrasound this morning confirmed there are TWO heartbeats, and two growing babies!! You may have to adjust your volume to hear, this was taken with my camera phone, but you get the idea!

First Ultrasound

2009-02-07T18:27:00.000-08:00

Our first ultrasound was Tuesday, February 3, 2009. It was awesome.

I brought DD along, and both IM and IF were there waiting for us at 1:20. DD kept talking to IP's about their baby in my belly, and we looked through her baby book so I could show IP's her ultrasound. Then it was our turn to go into the room.

I could tell IF was hesitant, but assured him that in NO WAY was I feeling awkward, and I really really wanted him to be present if he wanted to. Of course he stayed in the room, and he and DD had fun playing while we waited on the RE.

Dr. A came in, started the monitor and got the ultrasound scope in place. Immediately on the screen we saw 2 - TWO - little black spots with yolk sacs and baby beans!! Yes that is right, two!!

Twins!

IM was so excited, she couldn't stop saying "Oh my gosh" and kept smiling and covering her mouth. IF was more calm but when I looked at his face there was emotion all over! DD was asking "Two babies?" It was very very neat.

We are super excited that on Tuesday we will have the ultrasound done to hear for the heart tones!! Yippee Skippee!

I Need A Kidney Now

2009-02-03T19:41:00.001-08:00

Not me, but someone's husband, someone's bestfriend, someone's son. Please check out this website I Need A Kidney Now if you or anyone out there that you know can help this man, please pass this along. Heck, it would be great to pass this along by posting it anywhere you can! The more people hear, the more likely he will get the kidney he needs! I am his correct blood type, but am currently using my uterus to help, and cannot do both! :)

Ultrasound Next Tuesday!

2009-01-30T10:59:00.000-08:00

Last week when I had my second beta, I was also supposed to have my thyroid checked (I have hypothyroidism) but the clinic her in Saint Louis that is doing my monitoring fill out the blood papers incorrectly and I did not have my thyroid levels checked. This is only the like, 20th problem I have had with this clinic, so to say I was peeved is an understatement. Now, I have to go to my own doctor to get the test done, and I will do that tomorrow morning.

For now I am pleasantly waiting the ultrasound on Tuesday!

2WW Is Over!!

2009-01-22T11:36:00.000-08:00

Ok, so the last 7 days have been excruciating to say the least! I mean, seriously am I pregnant or not!?

Let's rewind a bit first, build the tension. You all know I had the transfer last Wednesday, so let's begin on Thursday. I woke up with a twingy headache, dry mouth and felt like maybe I had been hit by a small passenger car. I feel pregnant. was my first thought but sheesh, it was only one day.

Friday morning I woke up with a slightly bigger headache, a feeling of dehydration, and more like I was run over by that passenger car. I am totally pregnant. I gave into the temptation and peed on the stick. I know! As if it was going to be a BFN! I was only 2dp5dt but I couldn't help it. Of course it was BFN. As the day went on I felt fine, took a small nap, but felt great. I did experience a slight cramp here and ther which I just told myself was the twins stretching out my uterus.

Saturday morning I peed again and once again BFN. The same happened on Sunday. BFN. I ran out of tests, but stayed positive because seriously, I know it was too early. I just couldn't help it.

Monday when I woke up I felt like a MAC truck had run me over. I was achy, tired, dehydrated and didn't want to get out of bed. No test today, just naps and soup. I begged hubsy to please go get me a digital test for tomorrow morning and he did.

Tuesday morning I woke up with excitement, ran downstairs, and opened to bue box. I had never taken a digi test before so I needed to read the directions and was bouncing around trying to hold my pee like my 3 year old. Directions were straight forward and the same as any test so I peed on the stick again, and watched the hourglass. blink blink blink blink Oh come on!! Two more minutes of blinking, and the word popped on the screen. I started jumping up and down I was soo pleased.

Pregnant

That's all it said. That small, 8 letter word on the screen just changed my life for the next nine months, and my IP's life forever. I could hardly contain myself all day.

I took some pictures of the beautiful word, and uploaded it to my computer and called my IM. "T, are you ablt to check your email really quick, I sent you a cute picture". "Sure" she said, then there were a few minutes of silence followed by a "Gasp. . . Are you serious?!"

After that there were squeals and tears followed by a lot of giddy talk. I got my first beta yesterday and it was a BFN 75 7dp5dt!! I am so thrilled to start this journey and will be heading back in tomorrow for beta number 2!!

Transfer Day, Transfer Day!!!

2009-01-14T10:19:00.001-08:00

My transfer was this morning. We woke up and got out of the hotel by 7 am and found that there was a small blizzard happening outside. The drive to the clinic (.9 miles) was beautiful. I have never been to Chicago or seen Michigan Ave, and I will definantly be back!

As soon as we got there we were bustled into a room and I was told to get dressed into a robe. This alarmed me at first because my IP's weren't there yet, and I was NOT going to let them miss it. They arrived really soon and we ended up all sitting and laughing in my suite. It was DH, IF, IM and DD and me in this little room playing and talking and watching the city. Great! Dr. Morris came in and said we had 2 beautifully matured blast for transfer this morning, 3 more ok ones, and 4 they were watching still grow.

IM and I were ushered- and by ushered I mean I was wheeled on a bed and she followed- into the room where the transfer would take place. I went in and the doctor told me what was going to happen and he transferred the little twins in while IM and I held hands and shared a smile and some tears. It was over in two minutes. I laughed and said "Boy that was easier then the old fashion way, and way less messy!"

Then I had to sit in the room for a half hour, and rest. IP's brought DD a sweet teddy bear, and gave me a card, a sweet snowflake necklace, and a beautiful glass angel ornament. We all went to breakfast and had a great time. My IP's had to catch a train at 1 so we dropped them off at their hotel and we are now back in our room getting ready for a nap. We got in last night at 12, and finally went to bed at 2. This mornings appointment was crazy early and we need to rest, especially since I am now "carrying" twins!

Leaving for Chicago

2009-01-13T08:13:00.000-08:00

T-minus 7 hours and counting until we start the drive to Chicago. I am so freaking excited. I have never been to the city and we are staying right on the Magnificent Mile so I am sure I will see the city beautifully.

My transfer appointment is for 7:30 am tomorrow morning. I will keep my laptop with you and keep writing while we are on the trip!

We Have Eggs!

2009-01-11T14:51:00.000-08:00

ED had retrival on Friday and there were 15 eggs!! Of the 15, 14 of them were mature and IF fertilized 11 of them. This is going well.

I will arrive in Chicago on Tuesday night, and Wednesday morning at 7:30 is my transfer appointment. I am very excited, IP's are too. Super excited.

I will need to lay still for 30 minutes after the eggs are transferred, and will be taking it easy for the next couple days just to make sure everything sticks. I really feel good about it, I feel like this is destined to work and I am soo ready! I cannot wait to give IP's the family they've always wanted!!

Transfer Day Announced. . .

2009-01-05T19:27:00.000-08:00

. . . almost. The donor will be ready for retrieval by Wednesday. So we know that the transfer will be one of two days for sure! Tuesday or Wednesday for sure of next week!!

Also, I no longer have to take the big scarey injections! I will just double the Crinon gel, which I am fine with.

I do feel bad for IP's though, IM was just told today that IF needed to be in Chicago tomorrow for blood work. Um, we do not live locally. Both IP's and I live in Missouri. So now they have to travel to Chi-town tomorrow, then back on Friday for the insemination, and again next Wednesday for the transfer. It is a lot of traveling. Poor IP's, but the way we are thinking is that if this is the worst thing that happens then we are going to be just fine. Hoorah for us!!! Transfer!!

Hormones Finally Wreaking Havoc

2008-12-27T21:04:00.000-08:00

The shots didn't effect me too much. I took them once daily and though the bottle warned of headache and dizziness, I did not feel that. However, now that I have been taking the twice daily Estrace (estrogen), I cannot stop my tears. I cry and feel overwhelmed about everything. My poor hubsy is at odds. He tries his best to keep me calm, but really, how can you calm an irrational drama queen hyped up on estrogen?! He's a trooper though. He is going to stick by me through this all, and is really really proud that I am able to do this for someone else.

Moving Forward

2008-12-25T19:06:00.000-08:00

Well, we are moving swiftly ahead with the surrogacy. I have been taking daily Lupron shots for the past two weeks, and had an ultrasound on Tuesday to make sure the lining was measuring correctly. Then I was supposed to have blood drawn, and because my IM wasn't with me, and the Quest office refused to take payment over the phone, the blood they drew was THROWN OUT!! I mean, seriously, who throws out BLOOD!Come on! Anyway, I have to get the blood redrawn on Friday, and then have more blood and another ultrasound again on Monday!

I have been moved down to 5 units of Lupron and twice daily Estrace pills. The ultrasound on Monday will show whether my lining is thickening correctly. We are on track so far for an egg retrieval between January 7 - 11, with a fresh transfer between the 12 - and the 16. I am excited. I know my IP's are very very excited as well. Everything is going well and I am gratefull and excited to be able to do this.

My Reason for Being A Surro

2008-12-23T12:44:00.000-08:00

This is the exact reason I want to be a surrogate and am so passionate about it.

My husband and I had our daughter so easily with no problems to conceive. We tried once, and there she was. But for some it just isn't that easy, or even possible.

New Year, Baby Transfer!!

2008-11-18T20:01:00.000-08:00

Just talked to the clinic in Chicago today, and looks like by the time the donor and I start meds, and sync up we will be transferring about the second week of January! Finally a date to look forward to!

April is thrilled because we haven't book any wedding in September or August just by chance, and now it looks like for good reason!

Forecast: Conditions Favorable

2008-11-15T07:52:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was day seven of my cycle, and I had my saline ultrasound. Hubby kept the princess at his work while I met IM at the clinic. While waiting for the doctor we talked about our excitement for how quickly things were moving, the possiblity of a December transfer, 3D ultrasounds, and how already she isn's sleeping through the night. I was glad to have this time alone with her so we could get closer and more confortable. I want us to be as close as we can so she feels like the pregnancy is hers, as much as she can anyway. Hey, maybe we will get so close she will feel the morning sickness for me. Ha ha, a surrogate can dream can't she!?

The doctor called us in, I got under the thin paper robe, and sat there waiting for just a few seconds. Dr. A explained how we were going to fill my uterus with saline, then look around at my ovaries and then we would be done. Ok, sounds painless.

Have you ever notcied that doctors try to "cozy-up" those stirrups. As if the purple fleece socks will really make us excited to be spread eagle with out feet way up in the air. Anyway, with my feet in position I was nervous, and began to try to calm my breathing. Then I started saying my ABC's just like momma taught me. I didn't feel a THING! "Hallelujah," I exclaimed out loud in relief, as Dr A turned on the ultrasound mchine and there was my uterus, tiny as can be. It's amazing how the last time I saw that image, the black mass was so big that it didn't even fit on the screen!

After assessing that my uterus was in perfect condition, "Favorable for implantation" were his words, we moved on to look at my right ovary. "Looks like you won't be running out of eggs any time soon," Dr A said, "just in case you were wondering." Funnily enough, I had been, and was thrilled to here I had plenty.

Within minutes we were finished, had 5 pictures printed out, and I was getting dressed again from the waist down. IM and I hurried out in the rain, exchanged excited chatter, and were back in our cars and on the way to work. The whole thing took less than an hour, we should have results in about 3 days, and then on to injections!! I am so excited, it looks like we may be able to transfer before Christmas! What a great holiday adventure!!

Trip to Chicago!

2008-11-03T21:45:00.000-08:00

So Hubby and I just got back from our trip for health screening, and I must say, I was worried for nothing.

I had myself all worked up thinking there would be DNA tests, and blood tests, a few catscans at the least, all to make sure tha my body was capable to carry T & S's baby. I was freaked on the notion that any needle bigger than the regular sized one that takes my blood 3 times a year was going to be sucking out fluids of various colors to test in abnormal ways, petrified that maybe a hunk of my skin would be cut away to run for genetic diseases or history thereof. But no, I am happy to say that my visit went nothing like that out of a psycho movie.

We stayed over last night, in the town where the clinic was, had a great steak dinner and saw Saw V as a date night since princess was at grammies house. We even hung out with T & S after in their room and exchanged family photos from Halloween. (They are more like friends to us now, not just IP's) This morning, after fasting for over 12 hours I reluctantly walked through the doors of the IVF1 clinic, clutching hubby's hand for reassurace. With an accidental patronizing voice he assure me that "Everything will be fine"

He was right. We met with the doctor and he simply explained EXACTLY how the process would work, that once they have found that there are no diseases or uterus problems I would begin injections to prepare my womb for transfer of the fertilized eggs. Sounds simple, thought the shots I am sure will be slightly unpleasant. Then he showed me into a room where a nice little nurse took two viles of blood and I was on my way out!

We had lunch with T & S, as well as our liasons with the agency, and we were home by 9 pm tonight (gotta love daylight savings)

I am thrilled to be moving on to the medication stage and now am just waiting for my period so I can have my sonogram!! Bring on the blood. (ha ha ha)

Contracts & Questions

2008-09-24T08:13:00.000-07:00

We got the contract yesterday.

All 34 pages of it.

Yikes.

I started skimming it right away, eager to sign it and get this party started. My breath caught when I got to a part where it said "all parties agree that if GS is incapacitated, life support will be used to sustain the child until it is viable to live outside the womb".

Whoa.

I mean, yes that makes sense, and yes, it could happen with all pregnancies, even with my own DD. The difference is, I didn't have to read it, didn't have to think about it, and didn't have to imagine it. So I reread it quickly to make sure I agreed, and moved on.

The rest of the contract seems pretty normal. Anxiousness is growing inside of me now, excitement, and a little bit of nerves. We will talk with our lawyer, and finalize the signatures this week. Moving on quickly, one more checkmark on our journey to giving someone a family!!

New Journal

2008-09-18T08:50:00.000-07:00

Just checking this posting.